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Putting up old walls. Retracting the sensitive underbelly he’d dared expose. To me. That’s what he didn’t want to face. Being hurt, and rejected. Just as I’d just rejected him. Steph, you fucking fool. I let my forehead fall against the windowpane with a clunk. The cool of the glass felt good against the burning heat of my skin. And I should be embarrassed. I was such an idiot. All the things I’d wanted him to say. He’d been ready to say them. And I’d shut him down. Walked out on him. It wasn’t Jarod who was running away from his feelings. It was me. * * * * * When I finally moved from my window, my body was stiff from standing so long. But I’d sifted through it all. Traced all the threads back to their origins. Underneath it all was sheer exhaustion, but it settled down on me as a sort of heavy peacefulness. What had started as some crazy game had, somewhere along the line, turned deadly serious. Was it possible that he loved me too? Was that what had caused him to retreat, just. I'll send you pictures. The best was when I presented the "Best in Show" ribbon to Dad. I hated to leave Libby, but it worked out well. I got the best of both places. What are you going to do?" Lib wants to have a mother-son talk, then I'll call and check on my sister-in-law. If everything is all right, I'll fly to New York. Summer classes start Tuesday at Columbia."I dreaded explaining getting entangled with Karen again with Lib. I was in for a major surprise.When we were alone on the porch, Lib said, "I understand about Karen, she turns you on big time and you aren't able to handle those emotions like Beau. He learned to handle his lust; Lord knows he had plenty of practice." She dropped in on me in Tuscaloosa and I was gone. We were barely in bed before she asked me to forgive her, take her back, and get her old job at WAPI again. I think I disguised how mad and hurt I felt. I ended up treating her like a cheap whore. I couldn't break it off completely; the best I could do is to.
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